As I waited for my friend, Jenn, to come by to have coffee this Saturday morning, I thought about the concept of disappointment. That’s been on my mind this week as I have friends suffering fairly significant disappointments right now. At least they are significant disappointments to them and seem to be to me. There she is!
“Jenn!” I said, “I’m on the back deck.” She was just getting out of her car. “Do I need to bring the coffee and tea back to the deck?” Jenn asked. “No,” I said. “It’s right here waiting on us.” Jenn made herself comfortable at the table and we made small talk for awhile. Then she asked me what was wrong. She, being a good friend, could tell something was on my mind.
I confided in Jenn that I had friends who had suffered disappointments recently and I was struggling to figure out how to help them deal with their issues. Jenn gave me some helpful advice. She said that when she had suffered disappointments about people in her life, she had done a lot of thinking about her expectations of those people. Sometimes, she had found that her expectations were out of line with reality — with what was really possible. She had tried to shift her expectations regarding those people and it had helped lessen her disappointment in them.
Jenn also told me that it helps her to make herself get up, stop dwelling on the disappointment she has suffered, and do something positive – something she enjoys. She said she tries to something she enjoys every day. The disappointment is always in the back of her mind and doesn’t go away, but she feels better.
The thing about disappointment, in this blogger’s opinion, is that it is such a complex emotion. It involves sadness, anger, bitterness, and hurt. Sometimes, the person who disappointed you may not even be aware that they did so you’re in this alone. One of the first steps in putting disappointment away is to let it out. If you can’t express it to the object of your disappointment, express it to a good friend or family member. That will help you gain some perspective on the situation. How important is your disappointment in your day-to-day life?
Now comes the hard part. Are you going to live your life driven by what happens to you or are you going to live life on your own terms, in a positive manner driven by what you think and your core value system? If you have a strong core value system, it will help you deal with disappointment.
Last is another hard part. You can’t control what other people do. There is really only one choice. You have to practice acceptance. You may be disappointed and hurt. Of course, this blogger knows how that feels. But, eventually, as you work through these stages of something similar to grief, you should try to move toward acceptance. If you can eventually accept that you have been disappointed and move forward, you will avoid bitterness and resentment that can negatively affect your life.
After Jenn and I discussed these points concerning disappointed, we wrapped up our #weekendcoffeeshare. We had a good talk as usual. #amwriting #writing #blogging #weekendcoffeeshare
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