His emotional walls are impenetrable. For 40 years, they have been impenetrable. I don’t know him any better now than I did 40 years ago. At least not emotionally. How is that possible? Is it me? Am I that clueless? Or can someone who you have known for 40 years really still be a complete mystery to you?

Maybe he has no emotions. Sociopaths really don’t have emotions. But surely he is not a sociopaths. To be honest, I’ve often wondered about that. Whether or not he is a sociopath. There are things he would do without remorse if I didn’t tell him no, that those things were wrong.

I feel like he walks around with an impenetrable shell around him, so I also walk around with a shell around me. Not impenetrable. Not at all. But a shell that keeps me from feeling much of anything most of the time. I blame him. He’s taught me how to do this. He’s taught me why to do this. To be impenetrable.


  1. He may not be a sociopath, however he may have psychopathic tendencies. I was in a toxic relationship for 7 years with a manipulative man who had me so unsure of myself. I know all about putting up that wall to guard the heart.


  2. Oh boy, does this hit a cord with me. As we prepare for retirement and rv travels, I wonder if I’m crazy. I wish you love and luck and will be eagerly awaiting more posts!


    1. Retirement was a huge adjustment for me. I think I’m still adjusting but I retired young. RV traveliong was as well because I’m a bit of a princess! 🙂 You can’t be that and travel in a RV! Much luck to you!

      Liked by 1 person

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