His emotional walls are impenetrable. For 40 years, they have been impenetrable. I don’t know him any better now than I did 40 years ago. At least not emotionally. How is that possible? Is it me? Am I that clueless? Or can someone who you have known for 40 years really still be a complete mystery to you?
Maybe he has no emotions. Sociopaths really don’t have emotions. But surely he is not a sociopaths. To be honest, I’ve often wondered about that. Whether or not he is a sociopath. There are things he would do without remorse if I didn’t tell him no, that those things were wrong.
I feel like he walks around with an impenetrable shell around him, so I also walk around with a shell around me. Not impenetrable. Not at all. But a shell that keeps me from feeling much of anything most of the time. I blame him. He’s taught me how to do this. He’s taught me why to do this. To be impenetrable.