The Trauma

Liz is over it now. The breakup of her relationship with the man who meant so much to her. She goes on with her life and is happy most days. She doesn’t even think of him. She thinks of the life she has ahead of her and all she has to look forward to. He flashes through her mind occasionally, but that doesn’t bother her much. He’s a stranger. A stranger in a tragedy that seems like it never happened. Often, she feels that must have just happened in her imagination. Until night time comes.

Liz has had other traumas in her life. She doesn’t remember them. She has no idea what they were except for one incident, but her doctor thinks there was more than the one incident. That something happened way back, maybe in her childhood that she has buried deeply. She hasn’t been able to sleep for a long time, not without medication. If she falls asleep without medication, the night terrors arrive.

After the breakup with this man, the night terrors got worse. A man became front and center in them. She isn’t sure if it is the man who hurt her so badly. She thinks it is.  Their breakup is not what hurt her. It was the way he let her go that was so painful. This trauma on top of the other traumas has caused the sleep medication not to work. She supposes she is going to have to revisit the doctor as she is once again going without sleep and remembering the terrible night terrors.

Sleep deprivation, along with the PTSD that Liza suffers from due to repeated trauma, can cause all kinds of problems. Even though Liz feels like she is over her breakup and over the other trauma in her life, she probably isn’t. She realizes that. Liz always laughs and says she is the queen of repression. That she can repress almost any memory and it does seem to be true. She tells her friends she has taken these painful memories and locked them in a little box she stores in her heart and head. Once they are put away, she goes on with her life. Don’t we all do that? Liz isn’t sure.

Recently, Liz has started to feel strain in other areas of her life and she isn’t coping with stress very well. She has found herself wondering if the memories she is repressing, and can’t remember if she tries, could be bothering her. The details of her most recent trauma, the relationship and breakup with the man, are even leaving her. How could she possibly forget that? But she is. But, the night terrors remain. Sleep is elusive. During the day, her coping mechanisms are failing.

What now?