Category: weekendcoffeeshare

Posted in Appalachia, Climate Change, Creative Nonfiction Essays, Lifestyle, Uncategorized, weekendcoffeeshare

A Thought on Extended Families

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

I know a woman who has a large extended family. Let’s call her Pat. Pat’s immediate family is gone. She was an only child who had no children. Her husband is still living. Pat has a large, but dwindling, extended family on her father’s side that she grew up with. They were all always close. Until one of Pat’s aunts passed away. Then, the family basically fell apart. The aunt was the glue that held them together.

The relationships within this extended family have gotten complicated. It makes Pat sad. She loved her extended family, particularly her cousins. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. I feel sorry for Pat. She assumed, for her entire life, that she could always depend on her extended family. Now she knows there are a few that she can depend on, but most of them don’t care about her anymore.

There were seven aunts and uncles in this family. All had one or more children. Pat’s cousins. The brothers and sisters were all close even though there were occasional squabbles. They saw each other frequently. That meant the children, Pat’s cousins, saw each other and were also close. Right or wrong, since Pat was an only child, she saw those cousins as her siblings. The older cousins were mentors. The younger cousins were her loves. She felt like they were her’s.

Everyone, of course, grew up and went on to live their lives. Of course, everything changed. Pat didn’t understand why their relationships with each other had to change. Just like in any family, there were quarrels. Everyone seemed to hold grudges instead of working it out. Emotional distances grew between the cousins. But not between all the cousins. Pat remained close to a cherished few of her cousins. Those cousins are the ones who live far away.

There is one aunt who is left in Pat’s family and she is treasured. Besides the one aunt,  there are 17 cousins, including several first cousins, once removed. Pat loves them all. There are two cousins that Pat has no contact with for reasons she doesn’t know. That leaves 15 cousins. Out of those 15, Pat thinks there are about five she could depend on in a crisis. Earlier in her life, she felt she could depend on just about all of them. Worse yet, Pat misses her cousins.

Take my poll. How do you feel about your extended family? The poll is anonymous. #amwriting #writing #blogging #family

Posted in Climate Change, environment, weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare 7/23/2016

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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“Jenn,” I say, as my friend walks in my side door to join me for our #weeklycoffeeshare this Saturday morning, “you’ll never guess what happened this week.” Jenn automatically assumed something terrible. It was something sort of terrible, but also natural considering where I live. “What,” Jenn asked as we took our hot beverages out to my deck. When we got to my deck, Jenn didn’t have to wonder anymore. She could see for herself.

“Oh no, “Jenn exclaimed. “How did that happen?” Jenn was looking at the very large tree that had been the biggest and tallest tree in my backyard and was now lying, toppled over, and crushing our fence. You see, I live in the forest and my yard is filled with very tall, large trees. “It happened on Monday, “I explained. “I had Betsy outside in the early morning. We went in and I heard a huge crash. I looked out and the tree was lying on its side.” Betsy, by the way, is my dog. Some time, I want to blog about Betsy and her adventures.

The big tree had toppled over, fully uprooted. It was not knocked down by a storm. It was a bright, sunny day. It just….fell. Thankfully, it fell away from the house. For those who are not familiar with a hardwood forest in the Ohio River Valley, it is almost always a bit damp unless there is a serious drought which is not yet a common condition in this part of the U.S. We have had a lot of rain this year. The only thing we can figure out is that the ground was so wet, and it is clay soil, that the tree was literally pushed up out of the ground by a high water table. In the forest, we tend to get more rain than in other places. Forests play a key role in the water cycle process.

I love my forest surroundings though I always worry about the big trees so close to my house and the possibility of them falling. It’s healthy to live in the forest. Forests, the rustling of leaves, are soothing and peaceful to the human ear. Forests absorb more than 60% of the greenhouse gases in our environment. Not only do trees absorb carbon dioxide but they emit breathable oxygen for humans. Trees essentially fight climate change and clean the air.

Trees can cut air conditioning costs by 50% or more. They also conserve water because they protect lawns and lawn plantings. Trees even provide food…..think apple trees, pear trees. They also provide wood that can be burned for heat.

Trees provide a habitat for 70% of the world’s wildlife. Every animal serves a purpose and even dead and dying trees provide some function for these animals. Woodpeckers, for example, feed on dying trees in my yard.

I was sad to lose the big tree. It will provide firewood for a long time to come. The top, which fell into the woods, will provide shelter for wildlife. Now to get it out of our yard!  #weekendcoffeeshare #amwriting #blogging #writing #environment

#weekendcoffeeshare is brought to you by Diana at parttimemonsterblog.com

 

Posted in weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare 7/16/16

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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My friend, Jenn, with whom I usually have my #weekendcoffeeshare, is on vacation this week. So, I want to talk about what I think she and I might discuss if she were here.

If we were having coffee, I would share with you my musings about what it means to be over 60. It’s not so old, but we are entering the last quarter of our lives. It gives one pause. It makes one re-evaluate one’s life. It makes you realize that you have only one life and question whether you are doing what you want to do with it. Are you happy? Truly happy? Do you want to keep on with your life as it is? Is your life fulfilling at its core being?

Now for the big question. Are you living your life out of obligation to others? Is there room in your in your life for you? Life in our 60s can be unpredictable. We tend to have  built up a number of obligations over the years. We feel like we have to respond to the needs of those obligations, whether they are adult children, grandchildren,  elderly parents, or work. Maybe you don’t have as many obligations now. Could be your children have moved away. Your parents are gone now. You’ve retired. You suddenly have time on your hands for the first time in maybe 30 yeas. Do you feel lost?

By 60, you may have even suffered one or more major losses in your life — family members, perhaps a spouse. Life after 60 can have its share of health issues and this can be unpredictable. Do you get checkups and practice preventive medicine so you can live your longest, best life?

I keep coming back to the same question. Are you living your life for others or is there room in it for you? Life after 60 feels different than life before 60. Look around at the people between the ages of 30-60. They are rushing around, in a hurry. They have jobs, small children, many obligations to meet in any one day. After 60, it all slows down. Even if you have obligations, you can take more time in meeting them. You can sort out the obligations you want to keep and those you can dispose of. Most people, after 60, have more time for themselves, or should.

If you are around 60, you are part of the Baby Boomer generation. Almost 10,000 Boomers are retiring per day now. You are not alone. But, now is the time to rediscover your passions. What are your hobbies? What were they before you got so busy with life? Photography? Sketching? Travel? Writing? Give one of your passions a try. See if you catch fire again. If not, think about what you are passionate about now, then go for it. It is never too late.

Whatever you do, it can’t be another chore. It has to be a joy. It has to make your core being feel happiness. Remember that you are in your last quarter of your life. It’s time not to care about what the world thinks anymore. I don’t! It’s time to please YOU. We pass this way only once. Find your passion and do it!

There is a book you might enjoy. It’s called “The Big Shift: Navigating the New Stage Beyond Mid-Life” by Marc Freedman. You can find it at amazon.com. #weekendcoffeeshare #dailyprompt #amwriting #writing #blogging

#weekendcoffeeshare is brought to you by parttimemonsterblog.com

 

 

 

Posted in Creative Nonfiction Essays, Uncategorized, weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare 7/9/2016

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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Jenn stopped by my house this morning for our #weekendcoffeeshare, walking slowly, head down. As she opens my door, I say, “Jenn, are you all right?” She replies, “Rosemary, it’s been such a terrible week.” I immediately know what she’s speaking of. She’s speaking of the racial violence we’ve seen in our country this week. Jenn and I grab our cups and head to the deck to sit and talk. Jenn asks me what I think of the tension in the U.S. that we have seen this week. I tell her that this week has just been the culmination of a many incidents between police and young men over the last couple of years.

I think what happened in Dallas this week at the Black Lives Matter peaceful protest
is on everyone’s mind. In just thinking about it, I want to know what my contribution could be in fixing the racial problem in the U.S. I feel like I’m just one little person. How could I possibly help?

One way that I may be able to help is through this blog. It potentially reaches a wide audience. Not only that, but I have met some pretty awesome people who also blog here on WordPress. There is conversation among the bloggers. We talk about issues. Many of us have the desire to do something to help and we could be a pretty big group. That could translate into a lot of voices. Educating people through giving them factual information by blogging about racial violence might be in some way helpful.

Another way I might be able to help is by relating my experience from the past. I was around for the racial violence in the 1960s and 1970s. I remember the clashes between the National Guard and the people. I remember the beginnings of the integration of schools. I remember Detroit almost burning to the ground. We need to take a lesson from history. Surely we won’t let this happen again.

I also write articles for publication outside of this blog. I may add these issues to the topics I write about. Perhaps I can get my articles placed in publications where people who can really help will read them.

I think the way that I, and all of us, can help the most is by our own individual behavior. Be inclusive in our behavior. Love our brothers and sisters regardless of the color of their skin. Look beyond that. If we look beyond it, they will too. Encourage everyone to respect the police officers. They are the line of defense between us and chaos. When they tell us to do something, do it. They aren’t there to hurt us but to protect us. Encourage our brothers and sisters to do the same.

Jenn and I talked for a couple of hours about these issues in our #weekendcoffeeshare. It has been an upsetting week for all. If we all work together, we can find a solution to the racial violence problem in America. #amwriting #writing #blogging #DallasPoliceShootings

Posted in Appalachia, Food, Recipes, Uncategorized, weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare 6/25/2016

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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If you stopped by for coffee, I would tell you about the apple orchard that is near my home. “Oh, hello Jenn.There you are. I didn’t know if you were stopping by today or not,” I said. My friend, Jenn, just came through my side door. “I’m sorry I’m late, Rosemary. It’s been a crazy, busy week and I’m running behind.” “No problem,” I said. “Would you like a cup of coffee? You can grab the pot off the counter.”

Jenn grabbed the coffee pot and we took our drinks out to the front porch. It was gearing up to be a hot day. “Jenn,” I said, “Do you ever can or freeze food?” “Yes, I do,” Jenn replied. “What have you got in mind?”

So I told Jenn about the apple orchard near my house. I can remember my grandmother and my aunt freezing a little yellow apple that they called June apples. They were a little tart and required some sugar to bring out their flavor. Here, on the fringes of Appalachia, you can still find them if you look really hard. Some farmer’s markets have them, but only for a short period of time. They are ready to pick in late June and early July; thus, their name of June apples. June apples are also delicious when you use them to make fried apples which people in this part of the world love, especially for breakfast.

I went ahead to tell Jenn that the apple orchard near me was a June apple orchard and you could go there and pick all you want. I’m going to do that on Monday. Jenn decided she wanted to go with me and then we will freeze a batch of apples for the winter. June apples are easy to freeze. Here is how you do it:

Freezing June Apples

1. Wash the apples under cold, running water.

2. Peel and core apples. Some people find it easiest to use an apple peeler.

3. Cut the apples into slices. You have to decide what size slice suits your purpose.

4. Get out a cookie sheet and cover it in parchment paper.

5. Brush each apple slice with lemon juice to prevent browning. You can use reconstituted lemon juice or diluted juice from lemons.

6. Place the apple slices on the cookie sheet. Be sure they don’t touch each other so each slice freezes individually.

7. Place the cookie sheet in the freezer for 2-3 hours. Do this for all the apple slices you have.

8. After all the apple slices are frozen individually, remove them from the cookie sheet and place them in separate freezer containers. I recommend freezer-safe plastic bags. Just press all the air out of the bags. This way, you can remove any amount of apple slices you want  to use in a variety of dishes. Fried apples, apple pies, and more.

9. Now you have a supply of apples to last you all winter! Wasn’t that easy?

Jenn was thrilled with her new recipe and now we have plans to visit the apple orchard on Monday. We have really enjoyed our #weekendcoffeeshare this week!

*weekendcoffeeshare is sponsored by parttimemonsterblog.com

 

 

Posted in weekendcoffeeshare, Writing

#weekendcoffeeshare: 6/12/2016

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

imageDiane

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”

–Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

“Jenn is certainly in a hurry this morning,” I think to myself as I watch my friend come racing through my door. “Good morning, Jenn,” I say. Jenn grabs the coffee pot from the counter and says, “Let’s sit on the deck this morning. It’s such a beautiful day. I have a problem and an important question to ask you.” I follow along behind her with my tea cup, wondering what’s going on.

We sit down at the table on the deck and Jenn sighs in apparent exasperation. “Jenn, ask away,” I say. “Oh, Rosemary,” she says, “I am having a hard time with a story I am writing. I am using one of the text editors you can buy and it keeps pointing out to me that I am using too many adverbs in the story. I don’t know how to write my story without them. They seem to make my story have more meaning. But, they must be a bad thing.” She continues, “Do you have this problem?”

I laugh because I have certainly had this problem although probably more in the past than in the present. “Jenn, the first person that ever pointed out to me that I use too many adverbs was my friend, Ed, who has kindly edited a lot of my work for many years. I know what you mean when you say they seem to add emphasis and meaning, but I have come to the conclusion we are fooling ourselves about that.” Jenn asks me why.

I tell Jenn that I have read Stephen King’s book, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, at least three times and I showed her the quote above. King dislikes the use of adverbs intensely since all they really do is modify verbs, other adverbs, and adjectives. You can almost always spot them as they usually, but not always, end in -ly.  King states that the use of the adverb is the mark of a timid writer. The writer who is afraid she is not getting her point across.

For example, consider this sentence. “She put the pot on the stove firmly.” “Firmly” is an adverb used to emphasis a point. Instead, what about writing the sentence like this: “She slammed the pot on the stove.” I think the sentence without the adverb sounds better.

King makes his point with dialogue. If this is a line of dialogue: “Don’t do that,” he said abruptly, then abruptly is the adverb. King, along with authors like Larry McMurtry, believe in the word “said.” That sentence should read, “Don’t do that,” he said. He thinks the sentence should stand on its own because the surrounding story should be strong enough so the reader will understand its context.

Jenn says that I make some good points and she thinks she will buy Mr. King’s book. She wants to make her stories stronger as I do.

Jenn finishes her coffee and gets up to leave and get on with her day as we continue to do what writers do — talk about writing. She thanks me for telling her about Stephen King’s book and I thank her for helping me clarify the argument for fewer adverbs in my mind. It’s been a good #weekendcoffeeshare morning!

It’s good when you Share!

*#weekendcoffeeshare is sponsored by Diana at Parttimemonster

Posted in Uncategorized, weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare: 6/4/2016

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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“She is still the epitome of class,” Jenn said as she walked into my kitchen for our #weekendcoffeeshare. I had no idea who she was speaking of so I waited. “Mae,” she stated. I searched my memory and quickly remembered who she meant. I had just known one Mae in my life who fit that description. I asked if she had seen her this week. I thought Mae was quite sick. She was at least 20 years older than us. “Yes,”she said. “I saw her briefly. She was with her son.”

As we sat down to share our coffee, my mind drifted to an earlier place and time. Mae is a distant relative. A relative by marriage. She was a cousin of a dear departed uncle and I was uneasy for any news of her. I had always admired her.

Jenn commented that Mae seemed reasonably well considering her age and infirmities. She had known her and they had a nice chat about events in the present. They also reminisced a bit about the past. Jenn said that Mae seemed happy, though limited in how much she can get around.

“She seemed sensible at first,” Jenn said. “So much like the Mae we knew and loved. Her son warned me that her mind was not as good as it used to be but when we started to talk and she knew who I was, I doubted him.”

“Then she dropped the bomb.”

My ears perked up at that statement. Knowing Mae as I did, I knew she was a soft-spoken, Southern lady. I couldn’t imagine her dropping any bomb. I hadn’t seen Mae in a long time, but she was always a gracious lady who tried to make everyone as comfortable as possible. Mae drops a bomb? She would never do anything shocking or controversial. I was sure Jenn was overreacting.

She looked at me as she said, “Mae said she had murdered a child she had by a man who was not her husband.”

Mae is the face of dementia. This is what the victims and loved ones of people with dementia live with every day. Flashes of the person they had known and loved. Then shocking statements and behavior they were convinced their loved ones could never have thought of or perpetrated. Mae had not murdered anyone. Her son told Jenn that she lived in a fantasy world more every day. Her fantasies didn’t seem to bother her. They surely bothered everyone else.

Mae’s son quietly told Jenn that environmental factors, such as television, seemed to set off her fantasies. She would take scenes from television shows and think she was one of the characters except it would be real to her. She would even imagine that she was physically inside the TV. It had become so bad that they had to leave it turned off most of the time.

Mae had to have someone with her all the time. She had been a wonderful cook during her life and she would go into the kitchen, turn on the stove, and put something inappropriate on a plate, like paper. They had to put out more than one kitchen fire due to this. Mae could not be left alone for any length of time.

Dementia is a living nightmare for those suffering from it. We also have to remember the caregivers. For those caring for loved ones with severe dementia, they literally watch their family members disappear. Not only is caring for a loved one with dementia emotionally demanding, it is physically draining since they require constant care. At some point in the illness, families need help either in the form of outside caregivers or institutional involvement.

Jenn and I finished our morning coffee and continued chatting about Mae for a few minutes. It was worrying to both of us to think of her and her family and what they were facing. As Jenn left to go on with her day, I thanked her for filling me in, but I’ve thought of little else but the beautiful, classy Mae I once knew and the terrible illness called dementia. #amwriting #writing #blogging #bloggersrequired #dementia

*weekendcoffeeshare is sponsored by Parttime Monster

Posted in Appalachia, Eastern Kentucky, Holidays, Memorial Day, weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare: 5/28/2016

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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Hello! I didn’t know if you would come by for coffee since it is Memorial Day Weekend, but I’m glad you did! It is such a beautiful day. Why don’t we sit out on the front porch at the table and we can have our morning beverages? Here….help me carry the pots. Thanks!

Tell me what you’re doing this holiday weekend? Oh, you are going to your family home in Floyd County! That county is right next to the county where my mother’s family came from. Are you taking flowers and going to a family cemetery? Yes, I know. My family cemetery is on top of a hill too. Also a private cemetery. So many of my ancestors are buried on top of one hill or another in Magoffin County in private cemeteries. The family all chips in every year to keep them maintained. So do you? That’s just the way in Eastern Kentucky, isn’t it? Very few of my relatives are buried in the public cemeteries in the area. Oh, you call Memorial Day Decoration Day, do you? So many people do in Appalachia. There is a whole story behind Decoration Day.

Memorial Day was originated as Decoration Day in 1868. It was established by the Grand Army of the Republic, the Union Veterans of the Civil War, to honor all the Civil War dead. An earlier Memorial Day, in 1866, was celebrated by women of the Confederacy in Columbus, Mississippi.

Memorial Day, or Decoration Day was celebrated on May 30 no matter what day of the week that date fell on. The families of the war dead usually celebrated the holiday by placing flowers on their graves. Gradually, Decoration Day included all war dead, not just Civil War dead. In 1971, Decoration Day, then called Memorial Day was designated a national holiday and was to be celebrated the last Monday of May.

In Appalachia and in most of the South, the tradition of the holiday did not change. It is still called Decoration Day and still celebrated on the Sunday before the last Monday of May. It’s an important holiday in Appalachia. Relatives of the war dead come home to the region from far-flung places to place flowers on the graves of their relatives and to see relatives still living in the area. It is a tradition that the cemeteries are cleaned and mowed, graves are cleaned up and weeds are cut, and everything is made to look nice for the holiday. All types of flowers are placed upon the graves from live to cut, artificial, and silk. Flags are placed on the graves of veterans. Usually, a big meal is eaten at some relative’s home and a lot of visiting takes place. In Eastern Kentucky, at least, relatives are buried in private cemeteries all around and through a county, or several counties. A lot of driving and walking up hills to private cemeteries is required.   You can’t even get a car up to where this writer’s grandparents and great-grandparents are buried.

Church services are often conducted in the local churches on Decoration Day. Some families celebrate it as a secular holiday. It seems that one of Americans’ favorite events on Memorial Day is attending one of the parades in thousands of cities and towns.

I’ve enjoyed having coffee with you today! I hope you enjoy Memorial Day!

*Image provided by Simon Howden #freedigitalphotos.net

**Thanks to parttimemonster.com for providing the linkup for #weekendcoffeeshare!

 

Posted in Appalachia, Eastern Kentucky, history, Uncategorized, weekendcoffeeshare, Writing

#weekendcoffeeshare: 5/21/16

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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Hello! I’m so glad you’re back for our #weekendcoffeeshare! It’s raining outside so bring your coffee and let’s sit on the couch in my office and chat. It’s so good to see you. Do you think the rain is ever going to end?

How has your week been? You’re suffering from writer’s block? That is so frustrating, isn’t it. What do you usually do when that happens? I need to know because it happens  to me too. So you leave your writing and do other things for awhile? I guess that’s one approach, but I’ll have to disagree. If I step away, I step away for a long time — too long. What works for me is to push through it. Instead of writing about topics in what is supposed to be my niche, I go outside my niche and write about something else I know about. After all, we all know about more than one topic, don’t we? Couple our knowledge with good research and there you have it. Suddenly, we’re writing again, though maybe about something new. Maybe we can sell this piece to a different editor or publisher and we will have a wider market for our writing.

I’ll tell you what I did once. I was having trouble finding topics in the niche I considered my own so I went far afield with my writing. I had always been interested in writing about Appalachia but I had never tackled any topic in that area. On the campus of the University here, where I taught for a long time, is a little piece of Appalachian history, the Cora Wilson Stewart Moonlight School. It was originally located next to the campus training school where I attended grades one through twelve. I did some research and wrote a piece on the Moonlight School for Preservation Magazine, having never written about historic preservation before. My writer’s block was gone! I also realized I could write about more than one topic.

Tell me how it works for you to step away from your writing? So you take a walk or go somewhere different or do some reading. You gradually relax enough to relieve the writer’s block. Sounds possible. What I would hope is that I could get ideas from a walk or traveling or reading or whatever else I would do that is different. That really might work if I could then have enough discipline to get back to writing. I will be going some different places this summer, taking a lot of photos, and getting some new ideas that I can turn into articles or into some sort of work. Really the same principle as your strategy.

It’s been so good to talk to you today for #weekendcoffeeshare. You’ve given me a great idea about getting rid of writer’s block and a lot to think about. Have a good weekend.

Posted in Uncategorized, weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare: 5/14/16

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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I’m not a coffee drinker, but I would serve the rest of you the coffee that you enjoy while I enjoy my cup of tea. I welcome you to my home and we would enjoy sitting around my table, rehashing our week. I have a writing problem to share with you.

I am currently writing two articles for publication in magazines. One is coming together nicely. The other…..not so much. I am having difficulty finding a second source to interview for the article. I am looking for a female entrepreneur who started a business when she was over 50 years old. I would like to hear whether or not she felt like she faced discrimination with regard to issues like obtaining financing for her business. Do you know of anyone who fits this description? If you do, I would love to hear about her.

I should get back to work. Thanks for coming and having coffee with me at our #weekendcoffeeshare. See you next weekend!