It was a tough summer and fall, from May all the way through November, for Maria. She found the love of her life, only to lose him in the most painful way possible. It may not have been a conventional relationship. It may not have even been a relationship that should have been. But it did happen. It was wonderful, loving, exciting, and she was with him again. She didn’t need anything else. He seemed happy. She was happy.
He was her love and he had been for many years. He also had bipolar disorder. Maria had been with him during episodes of mania before. Many times, in fact. She knew the symptoms. Instead of manic, he seemed lonely. Anxious for company and for someone to talk to. Needy for attention. He was drinking, but he was usually drinking when she saw him. He didn’t seem to be drinking more than usual. There were no particular red flags that he was having a manic episode. He didn’t talk non-stop as he sometimes did during a manic episode. He wasn’t any more sexually insatiable than usual. They were both always that way to some extent when they were together. It was part of who they were as a couple. They tended to get addicted to each other. Maria thought it was because they both had rather addictive personalities about many things.
They had wonderful times together and then it was over. A wet, cold blanket was thrown over the whole thing. He was gone and she was alone. She worried about him as she didn’t know the details of what had happened.
Then she found out and she was horrified. Since when did an affair mean that you were having a bipolar episode and slapped on lithium? A strong, dangerous drug. A drug designed to make you forget, to flatten your mood, to keep you from feeling anything at all. Doctors don’t even know exactly how lithium works in bipolar patients. But, they do know the side effects. It causes forgetfulness, a feeling of being in slow motion, a feeling of dizziness, weight gain, interaction with certain heart medications. It’s hard on the kidneys, thyroid, and heart. These side effects are only the tip of the iceberg.
Maria couldn’t believe it when she found out what they had done to him. She felt responsible. Lithium? He had heart issues. He wouldn’t live long on lithium. She had known him for over 30 years. He was so fun-loving and had a beautiful spirit. They were trying to kill that spirit in order to control him. It was clear to Maria exactly what was happening to her love.
After weeks of thinking about this, Maria realized there was nothing she could do. If there was, she would do it. He was lost to her in the world of control and the world of mind-bending drugs. A world she didn’t understand. She had to hope that his family, maybe his children, or friends would recognize what was happening and save him.
Maria knew that she would always grieve for him. He had never known what was important in life and he was paying the price for that. She would have loved him to the moon and back for the rest of his life. She would have taken care of him. She had felt like that for many years but he’d never recognized it until recently. Then, he rejected it for money and travel. Maria had no way to fight those things. Then, the bottom dropped out and boom……lithium. If he was ever able to get off the lithium, there were always the seductresses of money and travel. Those he could never escape. She felt sorry for him. Maria finally realized that the person she had to save was herself. #amwriting #amblogging #writing #romance