Month: January 2017

Posted in Challenges

Mistaking Power for Love in Relationships

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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Have you ever been in a relationship that feels more like a power struggle than a healthy love relationship? There is a lot of that out there. There is nothing at all healthy about such relationships.

A healthy love relationships is, first, one where the partners have mutual respect. That is at least as important as love. After mutual respect comes love, trust, shared values, and true caring for each other. As far as power is concerned, in a healthy relationship, the balance of power usually shifts back and forth between the two partners depending on their situation. It is never overwhelmingly held by one partner. If it is, that constitutes control. A relationship where one partner tries to wield control is not a true love relationship. It is a power struggle.

If a relationship is a power struggle, it cannot possibly be an enjoyable relationship. Love is not power. It is not giving up your power in a relationship to someone else so they will “love” you and stay with you. If your partner requires that, then your relationship is already over. It is just dying a slow death.

If you feel like you require the power in your relationship, you should examine your motives. Partners who require power in a relationship are basically insecure. If you only want the relationship if it is on your terms and you are hanging around to see if you can force the other person to see that your way is the right way, you might as well end the relationship now. This will never be a healthy relationship. You’re forcing your partner to be submissive to you and he/she will always resent that.  You may, quite simply, be with the wrong person.

If you require power in every relationship, then that is another issue. Unless you examine your motives, you will never have a healthy relationship. You need to learn to give and take power in a relationship as the situation demands.

Power usually involves control and manipulation. If you hold the power in a relationship, you usually use control and manipulative tactics to get what you want from your partner. Is this love? Of course not. If you are the partner being manipulated and the one without the power, run, don’t walk, out of the relationship. You may want to say something like, “But, I love him.” I say, “No, you don’t.” You just think you do because he has convinced you of it. It’s part of the power and control tactic. Find yourself a healthy relationship where there is a give and take situation concerning power.

Whether you are a person that requires power in a relationship or the partner who is submissive, don’t spend your life with the wrong person. Find someone you love and with whom you can have a healthy relationship without the issue of power.

Posted in Non-fiction

The Mongrel

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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I already had the most wonderful dog, Eliza, a Cardigan Welsh Corgi. She was my baby, my friend, my protector. One Saturday, I went to the pet store to stock up on supplies for Eliza. Saturday is the day the pet store invites the Humane Society in, and some of their rescued dogs and cats, in case any of the patrons want to adopt a pet. If I’m there on a Saturday, of course I have to see the dogs. I am a dog lover.

As I was walking down the aisle of rescued dogs, I came to a large cage. Lying in that cage was a large dog with the saddest eyes I’d ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of sad eyes.  Something about those eyes stopped me in my tracks. I leaned down in front of the cage and there was a big dog, obviously a collie/shepherd mix. Immediately, a name jumped into my head – Murphy. I have no idea where that name came from. I sat there and talked to him for a while. He didn’t really respond. He just looked at me. There was just something about that dog. But, when I got up to leave, he looked up at me and whined. Everything in me told me to take this dog home with me.

I found one of the Humane Society workers and asked them about the dog. He was a stray they had picked up. He was hard to capture, very afraid. He acted like he had been hurt or abused. He was a biter. They were afraid he was vicious and were not sure they should even have him there for that reason. Something in my heart told me he would not be vicious with me or Eliza.

I left the pet store. I had to think. I ran some other errands. The Humane Society worker told me they thought he was an older dog. So did I. There was something about that dog that was pulling at me. He needed a home for his last years on earth. I thought he needed my home and my care. He needed Eliza as his friend. But I had never had a large dog and I lived alone.

I went back to the pet store and set up the adoption process. I was going to adopt him or at least give it a try. I just had a strong feeling it would work out. The Humane Society was going to neuter him. I could pick him up in two days. I bought a big, cushy bed for him, healthy food, a toy and chew bone, and then I went to tell him he was coming home with me. Maybe I was imagining things, but he stood up in his crate and seemed to brighten up.

Two days later, I went to pick up Murphy, his new name. I had also bought a new collar and leash for him. We walked out to the car. He was very good but didn’t understand cars. I taught him to jump in the back of my SUV. We had a 70 miles trip home. Murphy never made a sound.

We got home. I guess the rest is history. He and Eliza got along famously. I had to housebreak Murphy, but it only took one time. He lived in the house with Eliza and I and spent lots of time on his new bed, which he seemed to love. I don’t think he’d ever been in a house. He was the sweetest dog to me and became my protector. He loved my girlfriends, but he hated men. I had to be very cautious when any man was around because he would have attacked them. Obviously, someone had hurt him. During the entire time Murphy lived, that never changed though I tried.

Murphy was healthy. My vet thought he was at least eight years old which is getting on in age for a large dog. Eliza and I loved Murphy for three years. During those years, Murphy developed hip dysplasia. He had the beginnings of it when he came to us. Finally, he couldn’t get up anymore without great pain even though he was on medication. At about 11 years of age, I had to have Murphy sent to the Rainbow Bridge, but I was gratified. His last three years had been wonderful. It was apparent he never forgot the first eight years of his life, but I could always tell he was so appreciative of his last three years.

I loved that big dog. He loved hugs so much. Was Murphy a mongrel? Not in any negative connotation. He was a mixed breed but he was my Murphy and one of the most wonderful dogs I’ve ever had.

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Posted in Non-fiction, Travel

Update on Whales: Prisoners for Entertainment

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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A few months ago, I wrote a blog post on orca whales, who are actually dolphins, and the problems they face in captivity, and Tilikum, the whale featured in the movie Blackfish. Blackfish is the movie that publicized the plight of the orca whales that are kept in captivity. The movie finally forced entertainment facilities like Sea World to stop using the orcas for entertainment purposes. They also stopped breeding them in captivity.

Tilikum recently passed away at the age of 36. He died from a persistent bacterial lung infection. Tilikum finally became aggressive in captivity and, in 2010, he killed a trainer at Sea World. He was implicated in the deaths of two others. There was actually sympathy for Tilikum because the stress of his captivity was seen as the major factor in his behavior. There have been reports of oracas trying to commit suicide in captivity as reported in the above-mentioned blog post.

After Tilikum died, the President of the Humane Society, was quoted as saying that his death meant the end of the orca captivity program. We can only hope. A much better alternative for us is to take whale-watching tours a few miles out into the ocean. RIP Tilikum

Posted in #weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare – 01/08/2017

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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“Hello, Jenn! Come in quickly! It’s so terribly cold!” Jenn is joining me today for our #weekendcoffeeshare. It’s only 6F degrees this morning and I can hardly believe anyone at all will get out and trek to my house for coffee and tea!

“My car doors were almost frozen shut,” Jenn said, “but I was able to get them open. I don’t think this kind of cold is supposed to last very long.”

Where Jenn and I live, in the Ohio Valley in Kentucky, this kind of cold in winter is not particularly common. We usually have some of it but not a lot.

Jenn and I went about the business of preparing a limited coffee bar as we didn’t expect many people this morning. We set up a couple of kinds of coffee and tea, including a wonderful Indian Chai tea I had happened to find, hot chocolate, and some fine apple cider I had heating on the stove. I was gratified that some people did come by and just hoped they weren’t frostbitten. We all convened in my writing studio with our hot beverages. Most seemed interested in the hot cider this cold morning.

One person spoke up about her heat going off during the night. She is staying elsewhere until the HVAC people show up and is terribly worried about her pipes freezing, with good reason. Another person said his car wouldn’t start and caught a ride with someone else. All the problems associated with bitterly cold weather. Some of the reasons I have such a fervent desire to move to a warmer climate. I truly dread leaving my friends and what little family I have left here, but the benefits of moving are starting to outweigh the costs for me.

I’m going to have at least two realtors take a look at my house and give me their opinion on a selling price as that will determine whether I can move or not. I hope I have time to accomplish that reasonably soon. I will also look at homes in my desired destination as, of course, real estate prices there play another role. If I can move, it will be almost 1000 miles away, so it is a big move and I have to be sure. It’s a move I feel I need to make if I can get it to financially make sense. Given the political situation in the U.S., things are changing, including interest rates, so many factors have to be considered. My house was renovated last year. That is another consideration. Lots to think about!

On top of the cold weather, we had a big snow yesterday and, on the mountain where I live, we got more snow than in the valley below. Several inches. I detest snow and cold which means for four months or so each year, I’m miserable. Not a good thing, particularly at this time in my life. I guess the good news is that I get a lot of writing done! Writers need experiences, however, and I would certainly have the opportunity for more experiences if I moved. I hope there are many novels to write in my future.

I hope all of you have recovered from your holiday celebrations and that you really enjoyed the holidays with your families and friends! Now I hope you’re getting back to the business of being normal without too much adjustment.

That’s about it for today’s #weekendcoffeeshare. I have to get busy here as I have lots to do. I appreciate your stopping by. See you next week!

 

 

Posted in Challenges

SoCS – Jan 8/17

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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There are only a couple of things on my mind today for this stream of consciousness post. I had such a good time on Thursday and Friday of this week Guest Hosting for Linda’s JustJotJanuary17 Challenge. I had a blast getting to know a bunch of new bloggers that took part in the Challenge and reading their posts. The Challenge is to blog every day – blog something, anything. You can join at any time so if you aren’t currently participating in the Challenge, jump on over there and start taking part now. It’s a lot of fun! To any of my new blogger friends, thanks for reading my blog and I will so enjoy getting to know you!

It’s a busy week here on my mountain. I am working on my house. Considering I avoid working on my house because I’d rather be writing, this is quite an event! I have a television/reading room in a third bedroom. It also houses a filing cabinet, small desk, shredder, and computer. It seems like there is a computer everywhere I look in my house! It used to serve as my primary office. I am FILING which is my most hated chore. The one thing nice about working in this room is that I have the most beautiful art in there and pictures that are important to me. But FILING? I’m also shredding, which is just as bad.

We have snow. I hate it so much I refuse to say anything more about it! Except that it is SO COLD that a heavy coat is necessary. I want to move. We are, in fact, considering it!

That is my Stream of Consciousness Jot for today! Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Challenges

JustJotJanuary Blog Challenge

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

Linda G. Hill of Life in Progress is offering the JustJotJanuary Blog Challenge this month. I was just the Guest Host for two days and it was great fun. To all the bloggers out there, check it out! You can join at any time and you can find the rules at the above link.

You’ll meet a lot of new, very nice bloggers and stretch your writing skills!

 

Posted in Challenges

Tangible

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

The snow is tangible. You can touch it. It’s cold and feels somewhat crystalline. The ocean is tangible. You can touch the water. It can be either warm or cold depending on the time of the year and the ocean you choose. Snow is never warm. Which do you find most enjoyable?

The atmosphere around both the snow and sea is intangible. Around the snow, the atmosphere has to be cold, by definition, or else the snow would melt. The atmosphere around the sea may be cold or warm, just like the sea. Does the temperature of the atmosphere determine the temperature of the sea or vice-versa? The humidity tends to be low when cold snow is on the ground. Around the sea, humidity tends to be higher but not always high. Both the temperature and humidity are intangible.

Which do you enjoy? The tangibility of the snow? Or the sea? I know the answer for me!

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Posted in Non-fiction

Can our Democracy Last?

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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John Adams, one of our founders feared that it could not when he said, “Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide.” Of course, that was a long time ago and they were just in the process of building America, our great shining city on the hill.

We are not a true democracy but a representational democracy. If we were a true or pure democracy, all laws would be made by direct, popular vote. Some of our laws are made like this. Most are not with a good example being the electoral college.

Our founders actually seemed to prefer a republic to a democracy. They are identical in every aspect except one. In a democracy, power is held by the group. In a republic, power is held by every individual. Most think the United States is a mixture of the two forms of government.

The ancient Greeks, in the 4th and 5th centuries BCE, formed an amazing democracy for a time. Ancient Athens gave its citizens equal political rights regardless of descent, social standing, wealth, and other factors, though women could not be involved. The democracy devolved into an oligarchy after a defeat in war. An oligarchy is a government ruled by a small group of people, sometimes private citizens, who exert an inordinate influence on the government. Sound familiar? Athens did influence forms of government for two millennia.

Athens is just one example of a democracy devolving into a more tyrannical type of government. The Roman Empire was a republic upon which the U.S. government was partially based. It, too, ended due to a number of factors. The Roman Empire found itself in a severe financial crisis. The causes were years of war and overspending and high taxes along with inflation caused a widening gap between the rich and poor. The economy started to decline. The Roman Empire lasted much longer than the average of 200 years.

Other examples of the failure of democracies and republics exist. The characteristics of the demise all seem to be similar. Greed, power, money, and a concentration of power at the top lead to the fall of such forms of government. What about the United States of America? Is it too late for us to reverse the course of history?

What do you think?

Posted in Flash Fiction

Time is a Wheel

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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“Harry, please don’t play underneath the house. It’s dangerous,” said Harry’s mother when she found her nine-year old son leaning on the old wheel under the house.

“But, Mom, said Harry, “I have to see what the wheel says.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry’s mom is distracted because she is studying for her final exam in her graduate program.

“Mom, that’s the Wheel of Time. It spins it in one direction and shows scenes from the past. The other, scenes of the future.” Harry’s mother thought he was playing make-believe.

Then she heard the wheel turn – by itself.

99 words

Photo Credit: Sandra Crook