Tag: romance

Posted in Flash Fiction

A Rocky Relationship

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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We drove out to Red Rock Canyon that day. I’ll never forget it. Life had not been good for us for awhile. We both loved that canyon, the beautiful scenery, the peace.

Peter wanted to walk and take some photos. I walked with him for a bit but then veered off on my own. I took some photos of my own, including one of Peter sitting on the rocks resting and thinking.

He got up, walked back to me and said, “Carolyn, you’re my girl. You’ve always been. Can’t we work this out? What can I do?”

“You can be the Peter I used to know. Before the affair. You decided to stay, but you aren’t really here.”

Peter said, “I can’t help it, Carolyn. It changed me. She changed me.”

“Go back to her. You’re not my Peter anymore.”

140 words

#amwriting #amblogging #writing #FFfAW

Posted in Fiction

Killing Her Softly

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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He had made the decision. The decision to break off the relationship with her. He was going to have this last little fling and then it was going to be over. He could swing it. He knew how to manage it and no one had to be the wiser. He had convinced her that his wife wore the pants in his family. That she controlled him and everything he did. It had taken an elaborate story but she had bought it. He knew her well enough to tell. She was a gentle soul and she loved him. She’d believe anything he told her. He’d convinced her that he loved her. Anyway, he knew he would not be able to have sex with her much longer. He was flirting with impotence. He wasn’t mature enough to realize she didn’t care about that. He did.

He didn’t want to take the chance of losing his marriage. Not because he loved his wife. But because his wife came from a wealthy family. They had the money to travel and play at whatever they wanted. He didn’t want to screw that up just for a meaningless affair. He just got involved in this affair for a thrill anyway. The thrill was going away so he had to get out of it. He laughed to himself. He got bored easily. He had to put her in her place so she wouldn’t tell anyone, like his wife. She wasn’t stupid, even though she was trusting. He had to make his story complicated so she wouldn’t figure it out.

What he didn’t know is that the girl already knew something was wrong between them. He was a heavy drinker and he had let some things slip when he got drunk. He was also bipolar. Sometimes, he thought he was thinking to himself, only he was thinking out loud and the girl heard him talking to himself. She was already suspicious before she left him at the airport that last time. He was in a manic period and was drinking more than usual so he could sleep. The mania was worse than the girl had ever seen. The mental illness had gotten worse since she had last seen him. She never could have guessed the lengths he would go to in order to get rid of her. She never would have guessed he would try to get rid of her at all. They had seen each other for 35 years, even if it had been off and on.

The man thought he had convinced the girl his wife was a mean bitch. A dictatorial, manipulative woman who controlled him completely. He’d told her that the wife was a computer hacker, that she would ruin her life if she found out about them. He’d forgotten that the girl had known him when he’d been with other women and that he’d never be with anyone like that. If anyone was controlling, it would be him. She knew he’d be sneaky about it.

The girl already knew he was a liar. Even during their current short relationship, he contradicted himself dozens of times. The mental illness kept him from realizing it as did the liquor. The girl remembered every single instance. He first said that he had paid one of his ex-wives off with $250,000. The next day, it became $500,000. Apparently, he didn’t think she had a memory either. She remembered it all. Her brain had not been pickled in liquor and ruined by uncontrolled bipolar disease.

That did not mean that the girl was prepared for what happened next. She had never known him to be cruel. Troubled, yes. A pathological liar, yes. Cruel, no. The years had indeed changed him.

It happened three days after they parted the last time. He was particularly sweet that day, professing his undying love. Over and over and over. Then, suddenly, the girl got a message supposedly from his wife saying that he had been found out and threatening her. It took her a little while to think the whole thing through. To realize that the message from his wife was really a message from him. His cowardly way out of the relationship. At first, she was shattered. It took weeks for her to think straight. She had trusted him in spite of herself. Psychopaths can be quite convincing because they believe their own lies.

He cut off her access to him all the while blaming his wife. At first, all she wanted was an explanation but she couldn’t get that. Slowly, the pieces of the puzzle began to fall together for her. He thought he was very smart but he had made some fundamental mistakes. Gradually, she figured out each mistake he had made. She started to realize that his wife probably did not even know he had an affair. He had ended it before she found out but in the most horrible way, the cruelest way, possible. In his very sick bipolar mind, he had to play out an elaborate scenario and hurt the girl badly.

Looking back, the girl shook her head. All he had to do was tell her that the affair was not working for him. He knew that she would never want someone who didn’t want her. She would have just left and he would never have heard from her again. It would have been so much simpler. He even needed the thrill of hurting her. In the process, he probably caused her to never be able to trust again. Cruel and psychopathic people do not care about those things. They care only about themselves.*

#amwriting #amblogging #writing #fiction

*This is an excerpt from a larger body of work.

Posted in Fiction

Waiting

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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There was so much between us during that year. No one, but us, will ever know. He left from this very dock. He went to the mainland from this spot. The night before, he told me not to worry, that he would never be out of my life. I trust him. It doesn’t matter what anyone says. Just because someone has a relationship with someone else doesn’t mean they are sick. How cruel could that be? How silly does that sound? That only means they are trying to keep us apart.

It seems like I’m waiting wherever I am. Work. School. Home. I know he will figure it out. I know he’ll come back for me.

So I’ll wait. Right here on this dilapidated dock where he can find me. #amwriting #amblogging #writing #romance #flashfiction #fiction

*This post sponsored by FFfAW.

Thanks, Priceless Joy!

 

 

Posted in Fiction

Excerpt from The Lost Romance – The Affair

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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They weren’t young anymore. She still had lofty goals for both her personal and professional life. He…..well…..not so much. Rebecca was never content. She may have been 64 years old but she worked as hard as she did when she was 34. Patrick was retired and he did a little work but was more interested in traveling and having fun. Rebecca liked those thing too, but she needed time to work at her writing. Her personal life with Patrick was of crucial importance to her. First on her list. She also had a full life outside of Patrick. Patrick had a life outside their relationship as well. It made things difficult.

When they were together, none of those things mattered very much. They took advantage of every moment as there weren’t many moments. No one seemed to understand that what they had together didn’t threaten anyone else. It was their’s and their’s alone. Some mysterious something they had never been able to find with anyone else. God knows they had tried. Rebecca alone had spent her life trying to find what she had with Patrick with other men. It never worked. It was never there. It was very frustrating.

Rebecca thought to herself, looking at Patrick across the room, that she guessed this is what love was. That mysterious something that you had with one person and didn’t have with anyone else. When she looked at him, she knew. She had always known, that he was the one, the love of her life. But it had never worked out between them. They had been in each other’s ives in some way, even if only off and on, for 35 years. In all those years, either she was married, he was married, or they both were married. Yet, they wanted to be together. How could that be?

Patrick was on the phone as Rebecca was thinking about this. She was watching him, with great love in her heart. Sometimes, she wished fervently that she didn’t feel like this. That she could just walk away. She had tried. Over and over, down through the years, she had tried. She always missed him so much, she went back again and again. How could she not go back to the love of her life?

It may sound foolish to say that, at 64 years old, Rebecca was still searching, still going back to the love of her life. Rebecca had never felt her age. She was young at heart and been fortunate to keep her physical health. She didn’t feel much different than the day she had met Patrick all those years ago. Looking at him, she remembered that day clearly. She had walked into his office and fallen in love. What a day that was!

Patrick was a few years older than Rebecca and was struggling with some health problems. Rebecca wondered if, for Patrick’s sake, it really was time to walk away. If Patrica had still been married to the mother of his children, the answer would have been yes. She was a good person. But a woman had broken up Patrick’s marriage a number of years ago. She was a controlling, manipulative woman who thought she knew what was best for Patrick and did not much care for Patrick’s input into the matter. Patrick seemed frightened of her for some reason and that was never good. There was something wrong there with that marriage and Rebecca wa worried for Patrick’s sake. This woman seemed to feel the need to judge and criticize Patrick as a method of control. Rebecca was quite concerned. How could she abandon Patrick under those circumstances?

Patrick ended his phone call, walked over to her, and put his arms around her. She felt so warm and safe in his arms. She always had though they saw each other so infrequently. They didn’t feel the need for conversation at that moment. They just felt the need for each other. They dissolved into each other and neither of them had any concept of time until two hours had passed. Patrick made her feel totally fulfilled in every way. Any thoughts of giving him up flew out of her head as she lay beside him. #amwriting #amblogging #writing #romance

*Excerpt from the upcoming novel The Lost Romance

Posted in Creative Nonfiction Essays, Uncategorized

Song Lyric Sunday – The Moody Blues

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

The theme this week for Song Lyric Sunday is “scary.” On the surface, you may not seem why a song called “Forever Autumn” by The Moody Blues could be considered scary. Oh, not scary in the traditional sense of the world. Not haunted house scary where you walk through the house and creatures jump out at you, but the kind of scary that reaches down and freezes your soul.

The lyrics to “Forever Autumn” are below. As you read them, you’ll see that, in the first stanza, the season is changing from fall to winter and the writer feels the winter will be much more bitter because they have lost someone important to them. In fact, they want to leave they are so frightened of winter arriving. Scary. I know the feeling of losing someone important.

That scary feeling is reiterated in the chorus, which is the second stanza and again in the third stanza.

The Moody Blues convey, in Forever Autumn, what a frightening, panicked feeling it is to lose someone important to you, someone you love and they compare it to the feeling some get when the fall season changes to what could be a bitter winter. I know the feeling.

Lyrics to Forever Autumn by The Moody Blues
The summer sun is fading as the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near
The winter winds will be much colder
Now you’re not here.
I watch the birds fly south across the autumn sky
And one by one they disappear.
I wish that I was flying with them
Now you’re not here

Like a song through the trees you came to love me
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away

Through autumn’s golden gown we used to kick our way
You always loved this time of year.
Those fallen leaves lie undisturbed now
Cause you’re not here

Like a song through the trees you came to love me
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away

Forever Autumn album – Moody Blues

 

Sponsored by Linda

Posted in Non-fiction

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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Do you believe in magic in love? That is what “smoke” refers to in the old Platters song, actually recorded in 1933. There is discussion about that interpretation, of course. But, smoke getting in your eyes, in a love song, seems pretty clear to me. Let’s dig a little deeper.

First, my own bias. I do believe in magic in love – still. I think it’s rare. I don’t think most of us will ever find it. I think those of us who do find it better hold on to it tightly as we likely will not ever find it again. I think it is the reason that romance novels and romantic erotica is the most popular genre of fiction. We seek to read about people, even fictional people, who either have found that magic or who are seeking it. Look at the book series beginning with 50 Shades of Gray. That book is actually in the genre of romantic erotica as there is love present. It is not pornography. I’m not a fan of 50 Shades because I don’t think it is well-written but it has certainly shown what our society is looking for.

We are looking for the magic in love. We want to find that perfect relationship where you have love between two people – compatibility in love – but you also have to have compatibility in sex. Novels like 50 Shades have shown us that if nothing else. Perfect compatibility in love and in sex is incredibly hard to find. Unless you do find this magic, you are going to be unhappy in some aspects of your relationship.

Here are the lyrics of the Platters song, “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes:”

They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied
They said “someday you’ll find all who love are blind”
When your heart’s on fire,
You must realize, smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today my love has flown away,
I am without my love (without my love)

Now laughing friends deride
Tears I cannot hide
So I smile and say
When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes

(Smoke gets in your eyes, smoke gets in your eyes)

Smoke gets in your eyes

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In the first stanza of the song, one line says that all who love are blind. That may be true for very young people but as you mature, I think you can love and see the faults of your true love. Two mature people can work on problems in their relationship but there is one thing they cannot work on. The magic. The magic, the chemistry, between two people is either there or it’s not. If it’s not, there isn’t anything you can do to make it happen. In this writer’s opinion, the magic causes the smoke to get in your eyes, but it does not completely blind you. The magic includes both sexual chemistry and the chemistry you feel from deep, emotional love. You can’t have a complete relationship without both.

The next stanza of the song refers to smoke in a different way. The true love has gone, left, deserted the other person. But, that does not necessarily mean that the love has died. It is a very sad situation for the person left behind and then, smoke gets in your eyes because you cannot hide your tears. The smoke causes you to cry because your true love is no longer with you. Perhaps there were circumstances that caused your true love to leave. I am of the opinion that if you find the magic, the true chemistry I have mentioned, it never goes away, whether you are together or not.

Don’t let the smoke blind you to something wonderful. Try to learn to recognize what is real and magical and what is not. #romance #lovesongs #love #dailyprompt #amwriting #amblogging #writing

20th Century Masters – The Millennium Series: The Best of The Platters (Remastered) by The Platters
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

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The last three weeks have been some of the most miserable of my life. I’m sure it has shown in my writing and not always in a good way. However, one good thing about a writer going through both good and bad situations is that it gives them so much great material to write about.

The crazy thing is that I have gone through exactly the same situation under basically the same circumstances with the same people at least two other times in my life. This is the third time. It seems that I never learn, doesn’t it? That, my friends, has been true in the past. It will not be true in the future. This time, I learned a very hard, extremely painful lesson. Much more painful than the first two times.

The first two times were painful enough and it took me years to recover. Why? I’m a sensitive and emotional person. I think that came from my dad who wore his heart on his sleeve. That made him the best dad in the world, but I’m sure he was hurt many times. I don’t exactly wear my heart on my sleeve in most situations, but I do recognize that I can be emotionally fragile in the right (or wrong) situation. I was definitely in the wrong situation this time. Probably the first two times as well. I mistook flattery for something else. People should remember that words are important. Never say words that you don’t mean or that aren’t appropriate.

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This time, I’m older, more fragile, less able to come back from being shattered into a million tiny pieces. This time,  I was very emotionally invested and the rug was pulled out from under me in a brutal way. I never got an explanation. I’m not assigning blame. I was as much to blame as anyone else involved. That doesn’t make the hurt go away.

Until the last two days, for three weeks, I’ve hardly eaten or slept. That’s what happens to me when I’m upset about something that was as important to me as this situation was. I’ve sat at my kitchen table and drank a thousand cups of tea, trying to figure it all out. I’ve talked to my good friends endlessly and they have been saints on earth to put up with me. I feel like I would have lost my mind without them.

I’ve walked around in a daze because I’ve been so distracted. I would cry and not even realize I was crying. If I could catch a couple of hours of sleep at night, I would wake up sobbing. I’ve written – a lot – because nothing else much gave me any solace. I had no family to turn to – I’m an only child and except for a few cousins I seldom hear from, my family is gone. I didn’t want to burden the couple of cousins who might actually care enough to listen. I would find myself going about my days, living in the same pattern as I did when I was involved in this situation, except there was no need now. Then, I would just cry more.

Until today. Last night, for the first time in three weeks, I slept. I didn’t have nightmares. I woke up this morning and I knew it was over. The acute grief. I felt like myself again, for the first time in a long time. I knew that this time, the third time I’ve let this happen to me, would be the last time. Never again. Never again would I allow myself to be involved in this situation. I was finally able to put it in a little box and store it away in a corner of my brain, hopefully to someday forget it forever.

Now I don’t care what happens. I can deal with it. One of my friends told me today that I sound like the person she’d always know and, funny, I feel like that person again. So whatever this situation, or any situation, throws at me, I can handle it. Bring it on! I made a terrifically bad decision and mistake. But, I was not the only person involved who made a mistake and I hope the other people involved in this situation know that.

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So why do I have a picture of Marilyn Monroe here? It’s complicated. She reminds me of many things, but right now, looking at her picture reminds me not to make bad decisions. Put yourself first. Don’t let yourself be used. Don’t assume anyone will take care of you but you. I want to look at this picture of her a lot right now.

No sympathy please though I thank you! Now I’m ready to move on. At my age, there is no time to waste. I’m going to go to the ocean. Hearing the waves and seeing the water has always soothed me. But, mainly, I want to see the ocean because I can see the horizon. I can see for miles and miles. I need that. I need to be able to see for miles and imagine what a good future is waiting for me. #amwriting #amblogging #writing #shortfiction #romance #marilynmonroe #dailyprompt

I Can See for Miles

Posted in weekendcoffeeshare

#weekendcoffeeshare 9/24/2016

Posted on by R.M. Carlson

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My friend, Jenn, with whom I normally have coffee on Saturday, is still out of town today. So I’d like to have coffee with you, my friends, as I did last week. I can offer you Apricot blended black tea or the coffee of your choice, chicory or regular.

If we were having coffee, I would ask you to be patient with me while I tell you that a disturbing week last week has continued into a disturbing week this week, although for different reasons. I have lost a very important friendship. I surely can’t call this a highlight of the week though it has been the most of what has been on my mind. I guess it has been the lowlight. My friend was here one day and literally gone the next which causes a bit of a feeling of a panic. No sympathy needed, but thank you. It may be for the best. Whether the friendship was a good or bad thing, it is a blow whatever the case.

People can be quite cruel to one another, even those they call friends. Some people don’t seem to be able to just talk straight to their friends. That was the case here. Instead of just telling me that the friendship wasn’t working, my former friend set up this rather elaborate ruse. Though knowing my friend, and already having picked up on clues, I was able to see through the ruse quite easily once the shock wore off. It’s a hurtful world out there. Be careful who you trust.

The good news is that, in hard times, you learn who your real friends are. I had wonderful friends step to my side and I appreciate them so much.

Some good news this week has to do with my writing career. I’ve been a writer for over 15 years. Actually longer than that, but during my career as a professor, I did mostly academic writing. Then, I had a stint where I wrote only in my field of finance for a number of different outlets. Now, my writing career has morphed into an interest in fiction. I have been able to put together the first draft of a book proposal this week that I’m excited about. It will be published by Amazon.com, hopefully by the end of about two months from now. I’ll keep you up to date on my progress!

There is always something that is right around the corner when you are a homeowner. Some cracks in tile led to an investigation under the house and it seems that improper floor supports may have been used in the construction of my home. Right in the middle of my home so tile is cracking and so is the drywall in that part of the house. I’m going to have to hire a crew to come in and repair both the damage to the inside of the house and shore up the floor supports. It’s always something in the Adventures of Homeownership.

We are now past the fall equinox and summer continues to hang on in my part of the world. We’ve had many 90 degree days this year, more than any time in recent memory. Accompanied by high humidity. High humidity is not my favorite weather condition. I like to walk my little dog daily and she and I both wilt a little in high humidity. Betsy, in fact, wilts a lot. We will be happy when cooler fall days arrive. That weather is usually here by this time of year. Not this year. I live in a deciduous forest and there is no sign of the trees even starting to change color yet although other plants, such as the perennials in my garden, seem to realize that the time to go to sleep is near. You would never know it by walking outdoors or looking at the forest.

The deer do seem to have lost the velvet on their antlers. They aren’t as plentiful at the feeding troughs as they were earlier in the summer since the babies are growing up. Soon, they will vanish entirely for awhile only to return as winter comes.

I was lucky enough this week to get to see and spend some time in the city with my girlfriend. We spent an afternoon shopping, which is always fun. Retail therapy is some of the best, don’t you think? She was amazingly restrained and I was not! Then, we went to dinner at a favorite restaurant and met another friend. Even though the week had a tough start, I feel fortunate to have people around me who are supportive and who genuinely care about me.

Time to clean up these coffee cups and get some work done on the book. Thanks for having coffee with me today! #weekendcoffeeshare #amwriting #amblogging #writing #friendship #weather #livingintheforest

#weekendcoffeeshare is brought to you by DIana at Parttimemonsterblog.com